It’s tough when my husband is away. I’m not referring to the brief moments he spends out running errands or at work; I mean those longer trips for business that stretch on for days, weeks, or even months.
Am I capable? Absolutely! Am I resilient? Without a doubt! Am I independent? You got it! Yet, despite these strengths, I can’t shake the feeling that a part of me is absent when he’s gone. My partner, my support system, and my closest friend are often hundreds or even thousands of miles away. As part of a military family, this is a frequent occurrence, and while we’ve adapted, it never gets easier.
When he’s around, his presence provides me with physical support and a reliable teammate in our shared journey of parenting. Although I manage the household and take the lead in his absence, the emotional void he leaves is challenging to fill alone. I handle schedules, organize activities, and do everything necessary to keep our family functioning, often taking on the role of project manager. I find pride in this role, wearing it like a badge of honor.
We both have our areas of expertise. He excels at grilling, fixing things, and tackling tasks on his “honey-do list.” He handles the big bugs while I deal with the spiders, as he’s not a fan of them. Yes, he cooks, cleans, and does laundry too. He changes diapers, bathes the kids, and assists with parenting duties while I manage our grocery lists and pack school lunches with finesse. Our responsibilities are fluid and not rigidly defined, as is typical in family life. When he’s home, I can rely on him as backup—if I’m running late, he can pick up our son. If one of the children needs a doctor, he’s there. But when he’s away, I shoulder all the responsibilities, stretching myself thin.
Self-care often becomes nonexistent during these times. With no family nearby to lean on, I find myself alone. Yes, he’s just a phone call away, but it’s not the same. I become the last line of defense for my kids, and that reality is daunting. If I falter, it feels like I’m letting them down. I’m the sole provider of comfort and security, and that’s a heavy burden to carry.
My mind is plagued with “what if” scenarios that don’t typically surface when he’s home. What if I oversleep and miss school drop-off? What if someone breaks in while I’m alone with the kids? What if I have a flat tire or an accident? The anxiety I experience in his absence can be overwhelming, and I often don’t realize how much his presence calms me until he’s away.
Even though I’ve proven I can handle everything solo, the emotional strength required can be exhausting. It’s not just about keeping everyone safe; it’s about managing the mental load of worrying and caring for them. I take on their fears and anxieties while striving to provide stability and love.
My children, still too young to fully grasp their father’s absence, often cry out for him, and it breaks my heart. In those moments, I have to muster all my energy to hold it together. We all miss him. When night falls and the kids are asleep, I can’t help but feel lonely.
While the weight of these responsibilities is heavy, I remind myself that it’s only temporary. In the meantime, I focus on making sure everyone is enjoying life. Rules may bend, and we might indulge in ice cream and cupcakes more than usual, but it’s all in good spirit. I do what I can to reassure my kids until their father returns, and we can be whole again.
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Summary:
Balancing independence while managing the emotional challenges of a spouse’s frequent travel for work can be overwhelming. The absence of a partner transforms daily responsibilities and heightens anxiety about caregiving. Despite the challenges, maintaining a sense of normalcy for the children becomes a priority until the family can reunite.